unspoken emotion

unSPOKEN emotion

'i hate this feeling, the one i know too well

it's called heartbreak and it hurts like hell'

blodd-shot eyes

 BLOOD-SHOT EYES

dah lama tak tengok mata kat atas nih.. ye lah.. agak seabad jugak la aku meninggalkan dunia anime nih. kalau zaman student dulu tiap2 minggu aku kasi harddisk kat sorg member aku nih sedut suma anime yg dia ade.. termasuk la mata sasuke-sama nih~ huhu 

sekarang mata aku tgh ala2 clan sasuke ni la~ hecceh~

not exactly macam gambar tu la.. tapi ada la sikit2~ huhu nk jugak ade persamaan tuh~

tapi mata aku merah kat keliling mata hitam tu.. 

sebab ape?

SALAH AKU SENDIRI

aku dapat KERATITIS 2ndary to CONTACT LENS usage~

padan muka sendiri..

sbb terkadang, aku bleh pakai contact lens ni lama2 lebih dr 8jam..

terkadang aku tertido ngan contact lens nih..

mula2 aku igt dah dpt corneal ulcer dah cuak gak kalau kene..

palpitation macam baru lepas pecut 100meter tuh!

So untuk berkongsi pengalaman

kita baca la serba sedikit ape benda lah keratitis or corneal ulcer yang segala bagai tuh..

sbb aku malas nak taip panjang2

boleh la korg baca sendiri kat cni yer...

jgn sampai jadi macam aku~

::bacterial keratitis::

aku dah jumpa ngan Ophthalmo MO td.

dah di check, she said benda nih masih tak brape serious

kene pakai antibiotics dulu

and appointment Jumaat nih

sehabis baik aku pakai ubat nih walaupon tak sedap langsung!

Dear my left eye~ i bring harm to u.. forgive me..

please..

get well soon~

kene puasa dr contact lens dah.. dah tak payah nak ngada2 cantek2 ngan contact lens lagi.. huhu

JAGALAH PEMBERIAN ALLAH SEBELUM NIKMAT ITU DITARIK KEMBALI KEPADA-NYA

wassalam~

concealing the truth VS telling lies

CONCEALING THE TRUTH vs TELLING LIES

a friend asked me between those 2 options above, which one do i prefer?

honestly, to me, it's like being thrown a question between being sodomized and being raped which one do you prefer?

both are equally bad.

comparing these two doesn't make any different. 

Imagine yourself in the place of someone whose being told lies or someone who was kept in the dark?

it's horrible, right?

honesty is the best

why is it so hard to tell the truth?

is it in your gene for being a liar? NO, IT IS NOT.. 

so far being in medical field, i haven't encounter any journal or any research saying such thing as the new discovery of sequence of gene that encoding someone to become a liar~ 

NONE!

but, telling lies is cancerous, i must say..

when lies got discovered, you kept on telling another lies to cover the first and then 

if the next one was discovered, another one would come to cover the 2nd one.. 

and naturally

 you felt that lying is your second nature to deal with things in life... 

because it's easier to get away with things rather than facing it courageously..

and then

it became bigger and bigger, 

till you reach one moment where you yourself found out that the lies you were telling became more and more absurd

you build a barrier around yourself so that you won't blurt any of those lies

then you want to undo back what has been done

but you don't know how to undo the whole thing.. because you don't know where to start~ 

then you yourself will feel a lot more horrible than those being lied to

you will lose your friend

and the most important thing is

you lost your own good self

what is worst?

when the lies you've been hiding got busted

you lost the trust from the people around you

you got isolated

whatever you said, people will have certain degree of disbelief.. 

and you get a lot of 'cornering look' or suspicious look from those who listened to your words

pretty encouraging environment to live your entire life then, isn't it? (~_~)

try it yourself,then! huhu

that's why i prefer honesty

live a simpler life and be truth to your surroundings and yourself

last word from me:

"the naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie"

Cinta dan Benci

Cinta & Benci

tajuk budget best kan? 

tapi macam agak benar jugak lah dlm situasi yg berlaku skrg ni.

aku tengah bercinta ke sekarang?

bunyi macam sedang bercinta kah?

Errr NO, NO, NO..

kat sini aku just nk cerita kan apa yang aku cinta (suka).. and apa benda yang aku benci..

if dlm rules and regulations tu macam DO's and DONT's la lebih kurang..

SUKA

dengar music

makan n tido ( ni basic sgt )

sushi

teh ais

muslimah fashions (konon2 bergaya lebih2 la)

drive jauh2

sahabat handai

honesty and transparency within friendship

travelling 

punctuality

BENCI

taugeh, bhgn tengah2 timun tuh, tembikai

medical report

perempuan gediks

fake people

stalker

playboy

the feeling of lonely and isolated

liar (ni plg2 benci) - don't be a hypocrite ok?

pernah tak ada perasaan someone is lying to you?

u know, the feeling when a certain someone is actually trying to explain something that happened but you can sense something fishy.. something like u felt unsettled with those explanation.. i don't know exactly how to describe those kind of feeling, u just can sense it..

it felt like that person is not being totally true to you and there's something concealed behind all those explanation?

tell you what.. 

that experience is suck!

and i've been through that phase quite a number of time.

it hurts like hell.

especially the person who did that is actually the least person on earth you have doubt with or someone whom you have nearly 100% faith on that person.

and i just had that experience about 1 hour ago~

Please, my friend..

be transparent with me

though i may look stupid, i'm not that DENSE in detecting such obvious lie..

and for whatever reason, please be honest with me

i know, i'm not that important in your life,

but please...

i beg you.. for the sake of our friendship

don't forget me, i beg

For the last 2 weeks, several of my friends are being transferred out. 

And another one bakal pindah jugak.. tapi tak tau lagi bile. 

tibe2 rasa sayu.. huhuhu 

bukan org yg kene pindah jer yang sedih.. but org yg kene tinggal pon sedih.. 

tapi nk buat macamana kan, kite kan kuli batak kerajaan~

 if tak ikot, nanti gaji kene berhentikan plak (it happened ok~~ in my hospital! baka~)

neway, i wish nothing but the best for you~

hopefully with the new environment and new experience will turn us to someone more mature and stronger than we used to be

harap2 tak lost contact

the most important thing of all, please dont forget me and our precious memories that we cherished throughout the harshness of our HOship and MOship

i love you guys~

blame it on me

it's my fault for being so persistent to get hold to something i know will never ever be mine. 

it's either my perseverance and en-durability are too strong or my stubbornness and stupidity ruled my cerebral cortex for not letting it go. 

either way it is, i want to be happy and be grateful for what i have now. in fact, i'm enjoying the present with several greater sacrifices i paid. i know, one day i'll lose what i held after some time, but i want to value the present. i refused to think about the future. the hopeless hidden hope that i held inside. in other word, i'm shutting myself to imagine the best outcome from what i endure but my mind has been focusing and expecting the worst from it. though, the chosen road was so winding and excruciatingly painful, i want to endure and let's see what comes along with my patience.

Please, Ya Allah, show me the way~

this is so emotional. 

so noooot me

( T _ T )

i'll be there

anhedonia. loss of appetite. feeling hopeless. easily got teary eyes over trivial matter. insomnia.

does it ever occur to you?

THOSE  are the signs of  D E P R E S S I O N.

it happened to me several times. rasa nye semua manusia pun pernah mengalami phase ini. 

memang hidup ini memerlukan certain amount of stress to help us to move on and grow. but some of the stress factor, if it is not well-managed and contained, it will cause big harm. to worst scenario, they got psychotic features and even willingly taking their own life away. 

It's pretty bad, isn't it?

sejak dua minggu kebelakangan ni, makin ramai antara my colleague succumbed to depression. 

Mostly, work-related and half of it personal-related.

Mine has always been personal-related. Ops, let's not talk about me (-_-;)

Anyway, it is really sad to see a friend succumbed to depression. Though, i didn't do much help but at least, i really hope my existence by his/her side somehow lessen the burden. i'll lend you my shoulder and my ears listening to all your worries. I do hope you can ventilate your emotion.

Dear friends, please be strong. 

This is a part of learning process. I'm sure there's hidden benefit yet to be seen by a weak human being like us. Smile and be patient. I'll be there when you need me.

P/s:

 Just want to share my coping mechanism of stress.

pray hard and cry as much as i want while praying. then, surprisingly, i will feel better.

 i will dress nicely with brighter color to lighten the mood.

i will listen to fast-tempo non-depressing songs.

and i will find my friends to borrow their comfort shoulder, share my problems and make jokes and laugh as much as i can.

so far, it works.

neway, gambar hanya sebagai hiasan. 

yg monyet tu takde kaitan dengan yg hidup dan yg mati k~

~sekian~